My wife has recently been accepted into a Nursing program and I fully support her dream of becoming a nurse (financial interest there too!). And I almost died laughing when she shared some charting stuff they talk about.

Charting is a medical term that describes the activity of nurses as they scribble some data readouts and notes about the status of their patients when they visit them. Sometimes when understaffed, they don't have time to think about what they write and interesting notes come about. Here are real charting notes that became popular among the nursing students:


1. The patient refused autopsy.



2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.



3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.



4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.



5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.



6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.



7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.



8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.



9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.



10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.



11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.



12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.



13. She is numb from her toes down.



14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.



15. The skin was moist and dry.



16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.



17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.



18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.



19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.



20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.



21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.



22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.



23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.



24. Skin: somewhat pale. but present.



25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.



26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.



27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Only in America:

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
=======================================================
EVER WONDER .................

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

====================================================
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

We all need to smile every once in a while.

Those were good Joe!
Hey GUEST, who are you? Those were really good, but I just want to say that I order Fries, Cheeseburger & diet cola also. I am not fat but I'm hypoglycemic. My body doesn't like sugar but I eat all the fat w/ no reaction or problems. I can go into shock w/ too much sugar. I always use Sweet & Low for sugar. People have been laughing at that for years but, there is a reason for drinking DIET cola's along with fatty junkfoods.
EX... If I eat a sweetroll in am, my sugar level shoots up & then I produce too much insuline which goes way up higher than my sugar level which brings my sugar level too low, which can cause shock & I sometimes get delerious & almost passing out from it. Sorta opposite of diabetes but similar. Fat is good...sugar is bad. Also, don't eat margarine, a real artery clogger...use butter. Hydrogenated "anything" is not good.

Thanks Patty! I now understand why. It (hypoglycemia) also runs in our family. I haven't been affected so far, although it is long overdue. Wine, cinnamon powder in coffee, bitter sweet melons (Charantia), have been postponing this affliction for me.

The "Guest" most probably is Benny who forgot to log-in again. The new updates to the browser sometimes would reset your cookies or they have expired and sometimes it is too late to know you haven't logged-in yet. But that's the first thing I look to see if my username is on the screen, and if not I log in.

GREAT WAY TO START THE DAY WITH A SMILE!!! THANK YOU!

You said it Joe perfectly.
I forgot to log in again.
3 strikes and I'm out.

If you guys want some more I have more jokes to submit.